Insa Rexion
Minmatar
CTRL-Q
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Posted - 2009.12.07 10:11:00 -
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As the IGS will be aware, the Amarr, or more accurately, the Caldari, have recently taken 6 systems from the Minmatar in a shockingly short space of time. More shocking is the news that a few unarmed caldari took these systems and were met with absolutely no resistance from the Republic Fleet. How was this possible ? What strange events occurred to allow such an unbelievable scenario  Was there corruption ? Cowardice ? SORCERY !!??!!
With this in mind I took it upon myself to interview a Republic Fleet Officer, Capt. Stew-pid McKanick of the SS "suspension of disbelief", a Tempest class battleship involved in the recent events.
IR : Good evening capt. Stew-pid, thank you for taking the time to speak to me.
cpt.SM : Glad to be of service to you and the minmatar ppl at large.
IR : Indeed, one wishes you'd felt the same way earlier, more specifically when engaged by a lone unarmed caldari pilot in Aset.
cpt.SM : Er.. well, hmm yes... *shuffles awkwardly*
IR : Perhaps you would care to explain your and the rest of the Republic fleet's actions, or should I say LACK OF when faced with unarmed Caldari frigates assaulting the systems of Aset, Isbrabata, Egmar et al ?
cpt.SM : Ah..
IR : Did you even fire a single shot in resistance ?
cpt.SM : Well no.
IR : For the love of God why man, why !!??!!
cpt.SM : I honestly am at a loss to explain mr. Rexion, we were... just... UNABLE to respond.
IR : But you are at war with these pilots !
cpt.SM : We responded to emergency radio transmissions when systems were being assaulted only to find that upon entering the combat theatre, we became paralyzed, unable to follow our most basic instincts to respond with force.
IR : That is ridiculous capt. At least tell me something believable, were your ships systems sabotaged ? Have you been bribed ? Are you just a coward who let Caldari kids steal his lunch money at school ?
cpt.SM : All of those would be more believable than the truth mr Rexion. It is as though some unseen omnipotent force just stepped in and prevented our acting in response. I honestly do not know what else to tell you, our actions were COMPLETELY UNBELIEVABLE (get it?)
Interview ends
So there we have it, straight from the horses mouth, but are we any the wiser ? i think not. Many questions remain. Are the entire Republic Fleet corrupt ? Has Damar Rocarion mastered MIND CONTROL ? Do the Caldari have some unknown all powerful immobilzation weapon ? Is the cake a lie ? Are the republic fleet all just cowards who let Caldari kids steal their lunch money at school ?
And really ROFL at the Amarr crowing about a few unarmed Caldari achieving in days, something the entire Amarr militia could not do in months ? Says a lot about ur belief in your own abilities when you desperately piggy back onto the achievements of a couple of Caldari rookies 
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well mannered ****ole |